Think of a great leader portrayed in popular culture and you’ll likely picture someone who is determined, decisive and self-sacrificing. Whether it’s Erin Brockovich or Nelson Mandela, or a fictional character like Ellen Ripley in Aliens, we see leaders as strong, courageous and selfless.
Of course, anyone who finds themselves in a real-world leadership position soon learns that real life is very different from the movies. Actual leadership is often messy. It’s full of ambiguity, complexity and constant change. It frequently challenges our own sense of who we are, our self-doubts and our very human frailties.
For all these reasons, real-life leadership requires a lot of work behind the scenes. In our world, we can’t expect to lead others effectively and sustainably unless we invest time and energy in leading ourselves. We call this ‘personal leadership’, which is a never-ending journey of work in three areas: cultivating self-awareness, building self-regulation and prioritising self-care.
Self-awareness
Real-life leaders are constantly faced with choices, small and large. This is about so much more than making big decisions in the big moments. We make choices about every interaction with a team member or colleague. We make choices about when to delegate, to whom and how much. We even make choices about choices. Who should be involved in making a decision? How can I make sure everyone is heard? Do we need consensus, or is there a point where the team needs me to make the call?
We can only make all these choices if we understand ourselves. We need to know our own strengths and shortfalls, and to recognise our default behaviours and our triggers, and to be aware of the mindsets we bring and the stories we tell ourselves. We also need to recognise what conditions support us being at our best and how can we co-create those conditions.
Self-awareness helps us notice the lenses we hold, which in turn helps us become more effective at leading people based on their own preferences and needs rather than our own.
Self-regulation
Self-regulation is the process of accessing the ‘pause button’. All of us are prone to automatic reactions in the moment, particularly in times of stress. These are those life-and-death moments in the movies, when our hero fights off attackers from all directions, relying on their intuition as there is no time to think.
In this world, there are rarely times when such instant reactions are needed. There is almost always a second or two – that’s all it takes – for us to stop and think before we act. There’s nearly always time to make a conscious, considered decision about what is right for right now, bearing in mind the specific situation, the needs of others and the impact you want to have.
Hitting the pause button can take many shapes. Sleep on that email before you hit send. Go for a walk before a challenging meeting. Grab a coffee with a trusted colleague as a sounding board. Breath.
Self-regulation requires self-awareness, and it does take practice. You need to be able to recognise your automatic reactions, anticipate them and pause, to consciously choose.
Self-care
Have you ever noticed how those inspirational leaders in the movies rarely eat or sleep? Only occasionally do we see them taking time out for themselves. That’s not because looking after yourself isn’t important. It’s just because doing so often doesn’t make for great viewing.
It’s very hard to remain self-aware or to self-regulate when we are mentally and physically depleted and exhausted. Self-care is not a luxury, and it’s not something that can wait until you ‘have time’. It’s something for which you need to invest time, trusting that that investment will reap returns many times over through your more effective self.
What does self-care look like? That answer depends very much on what works for you. Consistently getting enough sleep is a good start, as is eating well.
Exercise, meditation, getting amongst nature, listening or playing music or simple time with your family. There aren’t any rules: it’s just whatever recharges your batteries. The only rule is that you have to do it!
Personal leadership is the foundation of leadership effectiveness. Whether you are in a senior leadership position, a front-line position or even acting as a leader informally, being self-aware, capable of self-regulation and maintaining a habit of self-care will help you be the best leader you can be. Even if it might not make the best movie!
In the context of the many leadership roles you hold:
- Are you aware of the conditions that support you to be your best? Or your ways of thinking or behaving that hold you back?
- What has helped you keep your cool when under pressure? How do you pause?
- Do you refill your cup? How?
