This month we've been unpacking the impact that the different stages of adult development have on our leadership effectiveness and capacity. We will conclude this series by exploring how we can support ourselves and others to intentionally navigate our growth and development as leaders.
Conscious Choice Through Awareness and Detachment
Central to our development journey as leaders is our ability to cultivate self-awareness to harvest conscious choices and behavioural flexibility. When we are aware of something, we can manage it and then, over time, transform it.
In most Stages of Development, we identify ourselves with the lenses we are now looking through. For instance, at the Socialised Mind stage we strongly identify ourselves with what we’ve built to meet external expectations (e.g., I am a dutiful parent, I am a successful CEO, I am my degrees); and at the Self Authoring Mind stage we strongly identify with our purpose, mission or values (e.g., I am fair, I am a climate change activist; I am a feminist).
Robert Kegan calls this a "Subject-Object Relationship” which describes how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. When we are the subject of our personality traits and beliefs, we are deeply identified and controlled by them. However, when we look at our traits and beliefs as object, we can talk and think about them from an independent outside perspective, giving us the freedom to question, update and choose our behaviours more consciously.
Moving into higher stages of development and growing as a leader is dependent on our ability to shift this perspective and objectively examine the effectiveness of our current lenses, belief systems and automated responses.
Reframing - Reflective Practice
• Take a deep breath or two
• Think about a current leadership challenge
• In this context, can you identify a lens (personality trait, feeling, thought, belief or assumption) that you are strongly identifying with and is not helpful? E.g., “I must get this right the first time” or “I need everyone to like me”
• Notice what is happening internally (feeling, thinking and sensations) and externally (Behaviours) when you are looking through this lens? What is the impact on yourself and others?
• Take another deep breath or two
• Now take a step out and remember that it is just a lens you are using, and you can choose to keep or choose a different one. How could you reframe your lens in a way that is more empowering? E.g., “It’s important to me get this right and I can seek support” or “I value the respect of others”
• From this reframed perspective, what are you noticing?
Courage & Compassion
As we start growing in and out of each stage of development, we are required to let it go of a ‘structure’ that has been helpful thus far to embrace new ways of behaving, sense making and being that are still unfolding and not yet mastered.
It takes courage and self-compassion to acknowledge the limitations of our behaviours, to question what we believe and to embody and feel the change we want bring about. We will have moments of reverting to old ways even when we’d worked very hard and are very clear and committed to change.
It also takes courage to step out from the prevailing culture, social norms and expectations of others and choose to create the lives and impact we want as leaders.
Deep Listening – Reflective Practice
• Take a deep breath or two
• Now with courage and compassion, listen deeply to what is happening within;
• What are your body, thoughts and emotions telling you?
• What is the longing?
• What is no longer fitting?
• What needs to shift or be let go of?
• What are the steps you are called to take? Who might help you?
Commitment & Community
Our development doesn’t happen overnight, rather it is an ongoing, intentional and, at times, challenging journey that takes time and is best done in community, that is with others.
Grounding ourselves in purpose, prioritising self-care practices and enrolling our community can strengthen and sustain our commitment and resilience when the development journey gets tough. As Warren Bennis states in his classic book On Becoming a Leader “Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple and also that difficult. First and foremost, find out what it is you’re about and be that”.
Enrolling Your Community
• Seek the support of your team - share your growth and leadership development focus areas and invite their feedback along the way
• Find an accountability buddy – partner with a trusted peer to co-create a space to share, support and hold each other to account
• Enrol the support of your loved ones or friends - let them know what you are letting go of and what you are leaning into and invite them to witness and celebrate your development journey with you
• Engage a coach - support your growth and leadership development with a professionally held safe space for deep listening, vulnerability, experimentation and accountability.
May your leadership journey be blessed with your highest and truest self-expression.
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
